by Caias Ward
Fitness Log Week 33
Height: 5’7″ Weight: 155 lbs
-Barbell Bench Press: 135 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps No Change
-Dumbbell Bench Press: 40 lbs 3 Sets 10 No Change
-Incline Bench Press: 140 lbs 1 Sets 10 Reps, 135 lbs 2 Sets 10 Reps No Change
-Decline Press: 160 lbs 1 Sets 1 Reps Failure DNF workout
Notes: This bullshit isn’t working. Why do I bother?
***
Week 33 Progress Video Comments:
Chuzwut: damn this boy is weak!
MikeyP: He had to get someone to pull the bar off him on the decline! LOLOLOLOL
GraveyardLady97: Someone needs to maybe start on a machine rather than free weights?
RoganFanNumber2: dude, we all start somewhere. I mean, it’s not like 160 lbs is easy to—nah, this guy is soft and he has shamed his ancestors. Broseiden is not pleased.
***
@GymRat1997:
Dude, saw the YouTube vid. Pinned by baby weights that someone lifted off you *one-handed*, damn.
@MassiveGains:
Fuck you, Steve. Everyone saw the vid.
@GymRat1997:
My offer stands. I got a hookup.
@MassiveGains:
I’m not becoming some juicehead. I just want to be stronger. Healthier, like you.
@GymRat1997:
It’s not roids. It’s an Old World recipe. I know someone. I’ll hook you up.
@MassiveGains:
Fine. Give me the address.
***
@MassiveGains:
Dude, that lady was Old World brolic. Like she should be doing World’s Strongest Woman throwing cows around. She old as fuck too.
@GymRat1997:
But did she hook you up?
@MassiveGains:
Yeah. Shit was chunky and green and thick. Thought I had to take a dump through the first workout, it was clawing inside me.
@GymRat1997:
Now you’ll get some changes quick, but it will level out and you’ll make normal gains. Be happy with it.
@MassiveGains:
We’ll see.
***
Fitness Log Week 34
Height: 5’7″ Weight: 160 lbs
-Barbell Bench Press: 165 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +20
-Dumbbell Bench Press: 60 lbs 3 Sets 10 +20
-Incline Bench Press: 170 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +35
-Decline Press: 185 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +25
Notes: Hell yeah!
***
@MassiveGains:
Check the numbers.
@GymRat1997:
Massive gains, brah! Brosiden would be proud. Remember, one and done, you don’t need more.
@MassiveGains:
OK. You got any advice for recovery? I’m hurting.
@GymRat1997:
What, like muscle fatigue?
@MassiveGains:
Everything hurts. Not like ‘injured’, just everything burning.
@GymRat1997:
Hydrate, rest days, I’ll send you a list of supplements you need.
***
Fitness Log Week 37
Height: 5’10” Weight: 185 lbs
-Barbell Bench Press: 225 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +60
-Dumbbell Bench Press: 75 lbs 3 Sets 10 +15
-Incline Bench Press: 220 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +50
-Decline Press: 225 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +40
Notes: I got more of the stuff. I feel great even with everything still hurting. Feels like I am fire.
***
@GymRat1997:
There’s a typo.
@MassiveGains:
Nope. Grew 3 inches.
@GymRat1997:
Bullshit, boss. Are the weights at least legit?
@MassiveGains:
Watch vid, slapnuts
@GymRat1997:
Holy shit.
@MassiveGains:
I’m getting more of that green stuff! That shit is awesome.
@GymRat1997:
Dude! You can’t take more! It’s not for that.
@MassiveGains:
It’s working. I’m going to be huge. HUGE!
@GymRat1997:
It’s special. Old World. This wasn’t made in a lab. Be happy with what you got. But you can’t take more of it.
@MassiveGains:
Gotta get jacked. This is my chance.
***
Fitness Log Week 41
Height: 6’3″ Weight: 273 lbs
-Barbell Bench Press: 235 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +10
-Dumbbell Bench Press: 80 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +5
-Incline Bench Press: 225 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +5
-Decline Press: 230 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +5
Notes: Hit plateau. Need more green drink. Need to adjust diet, skin is breaking out bad. Bones stretching.
***
@GymRat1997:
Saw your last vid. You’re changing. Answer your phone.
@GymRat1997:
Bro?
***
Order Requisition
CityMD Urgent Care
2317 Center Island Route 22, Union, NJ 07083
(201) 354-1951
Patient: BARNES, VICTOR
Order/Test: Referral
Requested Date/Time: 6/14/21 12:45
Referred to Specialty: Dermatology
Referred to Provider: Dr S. Centurion, Dermatology Associates of Central NJ
Reason for Referral: Treatment for suspected rapid-onset Acne Conglobata and Acne Fulminans on face and body. Odd growths under skin causing pain and discomfort. Terrible odor emanating from acne.
Order Status: Ordered
Order ID: 47689091594.00
Diagnoses: L70.9 Acne (Unspecified), L72.0 Epidermal Cyst, R22.9 Localized Swelling (Mass and Lump, unspecified) over majority of body
***
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
yo, you best collect your boy.
@GymRat1997:
I haven’t seen Vic in weeks.
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
you didn’t hear?
@GymRat1997:
what?
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
Motherfucker went to Shop-Rite and bought twelve pounds of chicken breast and then ate that shit raw in the parking lot.
@GymRat1997:
the what?
@GymRat1997:
how you even eat 12 pounds of chicken? Raw?
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
My sister saw him, she works the courtesy counter. People were talking about that shit coming into the store.
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
He was sitting on the curb just chowing down and growling at people. He look gross. His skin’s all breaking out and he’s got these nodules
@GymRat1997:
What the fuck’s a nodule?
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
It’s a big-ass lump under the skin. Read a damn book sometime why don’t you? My sister said some of them are bleeding, some looked like they were ready to pop blood and pus.
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
Like I said, collect your boy. Get Dr. Drew. He needs an intervention, whatever he on.
@GymRat1997:
I ain’t heard from him in a minute.
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
Something ain’t right with him. I talked to his dad, he hasn’t been home for a few days. I think he moved that busted car.
@GymRat1997:
Finally got a tow truck to pull that thing?
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
Nah. His dad said he picked up the back end and walked it into the garage.
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
Crushed all the stuff they had stacked in there.
@GymRat1997:
That’s a 1976 Buick Century with a seized axle. Vic ain’t moving that, no matter how much he talked about fixing it.
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
His dad said he moved it. When he talked about making that junker gone, Vic roared at him and punched the wall.
@GymRat1997:
damn
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
Sending a pic …
@GymRat1997:
Shit. That’s the cement wall. He had to hit that with a hammer.
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
Dad says he punched it, then drove off in his car. Honda Fit gotta be a clown car for him now.
@GymRat1997:
damn
@BiscuitHeadJohnson:
Like I said, you best collect your boy or he’s going to hurt someone.
***
Fitness Log Week 45
Height: 6’11” Weight: 374 lbs
-Barbell Bench Press: 285 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +50
-Dumbbell Bench Press: 95 lbs 6 Sets 20 Reps +10
-Incline Bench Press: 275 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +50
-Decline Press: 290 lbs 3 Sets 10 Reps +60
Notes: skin hurt so much. flesh ripping. need more gains. need more old lady green drink. no one laugh now.
***
Week 45 Progress Video Comments:
AndyMarks44: This dude grew a foot in three months? Bullshit.
Brosiden92: This shit ain’t real. Gotta be a movie promo, a viral thing. Will so see this movie. Guy looks like something from D&D!
PlateLadySupreme: This guy is real, he’s at my gym. He’s a real creeper now, threatened to eat someone. He looks so gross, his bacne stained the damn incline press and he reeks.
PavelLifter: holy shit, that guy looks like one of my great-grandfathers, he drank something a hag gave him and transformed into an ogre!
Brosiden92: PavelLifter you related to Shrek LOLOLOLOL
PavelLifter: No you fucknut he turned into a monster and ate someone. Fucking clown. Go tear your ACL.
***
@MassiveGains:
When we gonna lift, brah?
@GymRat1997:
You gotta stop taking that shit. I saw your last vid, that ain’t healthy. Your skin’s all fucked up. Your teeth. You’re leaking all over the place.
@MassiveGains:
Saw docs. Tell me stop taking green stuff. Can’t stop. Gotta lift or it hurts.
@GymRat1997
You have to stop.
@MassiveGains:
Why you want me small?
@GymRat1997:
Don’t even.
@MassiveGains:
You just jealous of my massive gains. It hurts so much, though. Except when I lift.
@GymRat1997:
That shit is warping you. Gotta stop taking it.
@MassiveGains:
You want me puny.
@GymRat1997:
I want you healthy, bro. This ain’t it.
@MassiveGains:
MASSIVE GAINS!
***
Sender: Metro Gym
Subject: Notice of Membership Cancellation
Mister Barnes:
Last week, there were several complaints regarding your hygiene and your behavior towards other guests at our Union, NJ location. The sheer volume of complaints in a short period of time as well as the video evidence of the interactions leaves us no choice but to cancel your membership to all Metro Gym locations. Your membership has been prorated based on your effective cancellation date.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact our corporate office at the listed number.
Best,
Sean Ossinger
Manager
Metro Gym, Union NJ Location
***
Police Report
7/16/19
Responding Officers: James Samuels and Robert Lopez
Location: Cap Barbell Company, 625 Rahway Avenue, Union NJ
On 7/16/2019 at approximately 0300 hours, I responded to a theft report at 625 Rahway Ave with Officer Lopez. We arrived to find the 911 caller, night security guard Desmond Battle, waiting for us down the road from behind a car. He reported that shortly after doing his site tour, he heard a tearing sound from one of the doors. Investigating, he discovered the suspect still holding the steel security door in his hand. The suspect threw the door at Battle, who dove out of the way and took shelter.
The suspect proceeded to carry off a variety of weight lifting equipment, including weight plates and a barbell on his shoulder. Battle reported that the suspect was muttering about a ‘home gym’ and ‘stupid metro’, and noted a foul odor which nauseated him. A spot inventory indicated that the suspect purportedly carried off twelve (12) fifty kilogram plates and a heavy-duty barbell. Blood and pus stains were also found on the floor of the warehouse as well as the damaged steel door, which struck and dented a support pillar.
There is nothing further to report.
Comments: This is a joke? I don’t have time for this. – Watch Sergeant Miller
Comments: I saw the video. What the hell is going on? – Captain Pignatelli
***
Police Report
7/18/19
Responding Officers: Sara Woodson, Marcus Dante
Location: Lord Stirling Stables, 256 S Maple Ave, Basking Ridge, NJ 07920
On 7/18/2019 at 0520 hours, Officer Dante and I responded to a call at 256 S Maple Ave. We met with Peter Benton, the manager of the facility. While Officer Dante addressed crowd control, I went with Benton into one of the stables where I discovered the remains of a horse. It had been brutally attacked, its neck twisted at an odd angle, with large portions of its flesh torn away and a portion of the animal missing. I notified Animal Control and called for detectives. No other animals had been harmed although several were incredibly agitated. A foul odor lingered in the area, with blood and pus on the floor and wall surfaces.
Further investigation revealed very large and deep bare human-shaped footprints leading towards and away from the stables, along with a blood trail which disappeared after entering deep woods outside the stables.
There is nothing further to report.
***
@MassiveGains:
See video I sent?
@GymRat1997:
Victor! Been trying to reach you for weeks! Why are you in the woods?
@MassiveGains:
Been training. Lift with me.
@GymRat1997:
You need help.
@MassiveGains:
Got diet plan and workouts. Horse good. Make own green stuff, made lady show me how. She strong, I stronger.
@MassiveGains:
Lifting alone. No one spot me
@MassiveGains:
Everyone so puny now
@GymRat1997:
You gotta stop taking the stuff
@MassiveGains:
Why you want me small?
@GymRat1997:
I don’t want you small. You need help.
@MassiveGains:
Yes, I need help. I need spotter. Lifting alone. Lonely. Painful skin. Lonely
@GymRat1997:
I want to help you.
@MassiveGains:
Thrown out of gym. Said I was mean.
@GymRat1997:
I heard. You are scaring people, bro.
@MassiveGains:
They fear my massive gains. Need real gym, got my own plates.
@GymRat1997:
Wait, what do you mean, ‘horse good’?
@MassiveGains:
Horse taste good
@GymRat1997:
What did you
@GymRat1997:
That was you?
@MassiveGains:
Horse good. Green stuff good. Skin still hurt no pain no gain. We work out soon. I spot you. Get you massive. Phone dying, in woods. See you soon.
@GymRat1997:
Vic, you need help.
@GymRat1997:
Vic?
@GymRat1997:
Vic, message back you fucker!
***
Three Dead, Six Wounded in Gym Rampage
Union, NJ: Three dead and six wounded in what appears to be a revenge killing occurred at a gym in Union Thursday afternoon, initial reports reveal. Preliminary investigation, including video, show a nine-foot form smashing in the gym doors and attacking several people [CLICK LINK TO CONTINUE]
***
Witness Interview with Steve Alban
8/14/19
Interviewer: Detective Davina Paneras
Detective:
Thanks for meeting with us.
Attorney:
I’d like to point out that my client is here voluntarily with information regarding the case. Detective:
I understand. You said you had information on the incident at Metro Gym?
Steve Alban:
Yes. That’s … Victor Barnes.
Detective:
The one you said was called ‘Massive Gains’ online?
Steve Alban:
Or was. It looks like him, kind of. Before he started taking this green stuff.
Detective:
Green stuff? Drugs?
Steve Alban:
It’s a … preworkout? It’s not steroids. But you’re only supposed to take it once. Ever. He kept on taking it and he got … bigger.
Detective:
Like in the video? You are saying—
Steve Alban:
Yes, he’s nine feet tall. He’s been taking this … green stuff, it made him huge. He said he figured out how to make it himself from this old lady.
Detective:
And you talked with him? When?
Steve Alban:
I talked to him online. He sent videos of him working out. He posted some of them online. You can see him getting huge from week to week.
Detective:
Huge? This green stuff made him huge?
Steve Alban:
Yeah. You’re only supposed to take it once. He kept on taking it. It’s doing something to him. His skin is breaking out, pus and blood and shit. Getting all leathery.
Detective:
Do you know where Victor Barnes is?
Steve Alban:
I don’t.
Attorney:
We’ve agreed to turn over the videos Mister Alban was sent, which appear to have metadata regarding location.
Detective:
We’d like to look at the phone.
Attorney:
That won’t be happening.
Detective:
It’s easier if you do it voluntarily.
Attorney:
I think we’re done here, then. My office will send you the video and other information for your investigation.
Steve Alban:
You saw the security video that got leaked online! You saw the gym video! It’s turned him into some kind of giant or ogre or something! He ripped a door off the hinges! He was responsible for what happened at that gym …
Detective:
We’re having a hard time believing—
Attorney:
I advise you to—
Steve Alban:
I don’t give a fuck what you believe! He’s always felt like he was weak, and now he’s not, and he’s … he’s a monster.
Attorney:
We’re done here.
***
Workout
Push down big trees in woods
Lift bar with 12 plates six times
Lift bar with 12 plates six times
Lift bar with 12 plates six times
Walk around with big rock
Get bigger rock, walk around until tired
Pull up 10 times
Pull up 10 times
Pull up 10 times
Run around (hate running)
Food
Green stuff
Horse
Dog
Dog
Raccoon
Snake
Raccoon
Need spotter. Can’t hit PR without spotter. Boring working out alone. Will go see Steve. Phone broke. Go see Dad and call Steve. Me happy, no longer punysmall.
MASSIVE GAINS!!!
***
Dispatcher: 911, do you need police, fire, or medical?
911 Caller: Police. He’s here!
Dispatcher: What’s your address?
911 Caller: [address redacted]. It’s between [address redacted], by the county park.
Dispatcher: Please repeat the address.
911 Caller: [address redacted]. By the county park.
Dispatcher: OK sir what is the emergency?
911 Caller: My friend called, he’s here and he says we’re going to have to work out!
Dispatcher: 911 is for emergencies only—
911 Caller: I know that! My friend is the guy who killed those people at the gym! He’s huge!
Dispatcher: Sir, you said your friend is what?
911 Caller: He took something and it turned him into … I don’t know, something! And he killed some people, and he wants me to work out with him.
Dispatcher: Sir, can you get out of your house?
[Smashing sound at door]
Voice in background: Steve! Workout! [roaring sound, clanking metal sounds] Brought real weights!
911 Caller: [screaming, retching]
Dispatcher: Sir, I am dispatching police to your location, please stay on the line. Are you on a home line or cell?
911 Caller: [clattering sound from phone]
Dispatcher: Hello?
911 Caller: Help! Help! Vic! No!
Dispatcher: Sir, police are on their way!
Voice in background: No slacking! Take green stuff! Get big!
[spilling and choking sounds in background]
Dispatcher: Sir? Voice in background: [roaring sound] Massive gains!
End